specialty care
Relationship Trauma
Our earliest interactions create the foundation for our sense of closeness, safety, and trust in relationships. While some people have secure attachments with caregivers or positive social connections with friends and community members, many people experience absent, inconsistent, or overwhelming interactions. Your past doesn’t have to determine how you experience relationships now. It is possible to feel real joy, connection, and safety with others.
Relationship trauma, or interpersonal trauma, can be particularly confusing and difficult to recognize. Many forms of relationship trauma tend to get minimized or even justified as “normal” when they are not. Let’s look at how this form of trauma can show up.
Relationship trauma isn’t always one catastrophic event. It is often the result of repeated negative experiences. Below are the most common experiences that can lead to relationship trauma:
Childhood emotional neglect (when a caregiver repeatedly does not notice, respond, or validate your feelings, if your emotions as a kid were minimized or dismissed, when caregivers are emotionally unavailable)
Parentification (ex. acting as your caregiver’s emotional support person, protecting your siblings from receiving the brunt of your caregiver’s overwhelm by taking on more, you were complimented on being “so mature for your age” and don’t remember getting to be a kid, you were involved in adult matters like struggles with finances, dating, arguments, etc)
Enmeshment or lack of boundaries (ex. You felt you always had to be responsible for others, you were pulled into arguments between caregivers, your mood was dependent on the mood of your caregivers or others around you)
Growing up around addiction, volatility, or abuse (ex. If a caregiver is under the influence and not available to make dinner, clean, or help with homework so you perform these tasks yourself, if a caregiver is reactive or aggressive so you learn to keep your distance to not upset them)
Inconsistent behaviors from caregivers (ex. Some days a caregiver could be present, loving, and even fun. The next day they may be absent or reactive)
Overprotective or anxious caregivers (ex. Caregivers who shelter their kids, make decisions for them, or don’t offer room for kids to learn from their choices)
Emotional abuse (yelling, name calling, humiliation, guilt trips)
Controlling or coercive behaviors (ex. Someone cutting you off from your family, friends, and other supports so you are dependent on them, when someone demands to have your location or view your messages, they use threats to keep you from challenging their authority, they make decisions for you because they “know what’s best for you”)
Manipulation or gaslighting (ex. You question if an event “really happened that way”, you doubt your senses or your views)
Repeated betrayal or infidelity
Relationships that feel unstable or unpredictable
Sexual or physical abuse
Friendship betrayal
Bullying
Workplace harassment, manipulation, or aggression
Repeated experiences of rejection or exclusion
Relationships where your needs were dismissed or minimized
How therapy can help section
Your past can explain why you feel and think in certain ways, but it doesn’t have to guide your future. In therapy for relationship trauma, you can learn to build relationships that feel safe and fulfilling. You can learn to:
Understand the pattern: explore what happened, how it affected you, and what beliefs and thoughts you formed about relationships.
Rebuild trust in yourself by learning to recognize and trust your instincts, emotions, needs, boundaries, and body signals without automatically minimizing them as “wrong” or “too much”
Strengthen boundaries so you can protect your well-being without shutting down or needing to escape
Learn to regulate your nervous system (stress responses) that can remain long after harmful relationships end
Change relationship patterns so you can recognize what you once used to survive and explore if it still serves you today
Develop healthier connections by practicing communication and boundary skills, healthy vulnerability, self-advocacy, and reciprocal relationships where you don’t have to self-sacrifice your needs to maintain connection
FAQ
If you’re questioning it, it most likely counts. Many people doubt, shame, or minimize their trauma because “it’s not that bad”. This is an example of the unhelpful beliefs from trauma that keep people from getting help.
You can schedule a free 15-minute consultation call by clicking the consult button at the top of the page.
During our call, we will talk about what experiences have led you to reach out. Then, I will answer any questions you have and ensure I am a good fit for your needs.
You can schedule a free 15-minute consultation call by clicking the consult button at the top of the page.
During our call, we will talk about what experiences have led you to reach out. Then, I will answer any questions you have and ensure I am a good fit for your needs.
You can schedule a free 15-minute consultation call by clicking the consult button at the top of the page.
During our call, we will talk about what experiences have led you to reach out. Then, I will answer any questions you have and ensure I am a good fit for your needs.
LET’S CONNECT
Whatever the obstacles you face, let’s face them together.
Click the schedule button or call 970-823-0040 to get started today!
